Feeling behind? Comparing yourself to others? Try this

I am a human, and that means, just like you, I struggle with comparing myself to others. I see people online or I talk to people I know and I question myself. Why am I not making that much money? Why am I not going on those vacations? Why do they seem so happy/successful/etc.?

Inevitably, I end up over-exaggerating how well they seem to be doing and forget about all the great things that I have accomplished and the good things that I have going for myself. It’s especially hard when I compare myself to people who are my same age or who are doing the same career path as me. It’s not fun and it’s not helpful. And, as a therapist, the more that I think about it, the more guilty I feel because shouldn’t I know better than to compare myself to people online?!

But it’s something I have been reflecting on more recently, and some ideas came up that have been quite helpful that I thought I would share in case you find yourself in a similar boat.

When I think back on all the big accomplishments of my life, what comes to mind is not the feeling of pride for getting my college degree, but the challenges that I overcame to get there. Take, for example, the time that a few weeks before I was supposed to graduate college, I found out that there was a class I had not taken and I had to hurriedly put together an essay explaining why I already met those credit requirements and should be allowed to graduate on time (spoiler alert, I was able to convince them and I graduated on time, yay!). Or the time when I went to Thailand with a friend and my credit card got eaten up and I had no way to pay for things for a few days before we came up with an alternative plan.

These were not happy times, and they certainly were my own fault for not planning ahead or executing things correctly, however, when I think back on them, I laugh. When I think back on them, I realize that they make my story more interesting and they make my eventual successful even sweeter.

If you are like me and have ADHD, then you know that it takes you longer to accomplish things compared to other people. You need more time because you get distracted, lose things, forget things and need more time to process and figure out how you feel.

It’s challenging, but I want you to know that this can also be a strength of yours. It allows you to deeply empathize with people who struggle. It makes your story more interesting and your success sweeter. And when other people hear that you are owning this part of you, it empowers them. Suddenly, they feel less alone and realize that it is okay not to “have it all together” or to follow a dumb, made-up timeline.

Taking more time to accomplish things can be difficult, but that does not make you “less than” and it does not make you “behind.” If you are still reading this, then I challenge you to share your struggles with someone who deserves to hear your story. Help someone else feel less alone and in the process, break the stereotype that we are supposed to accomplish things on a certain timeline or “have it all together” all the time. You might be surprised what comes of it.

Ready to go deeper? Shoot me an email at corinne@risingwithme.com and let’s continue the conversation.